A Retired Rector's Reflections

In the weeks leading up to my retirement a very close friend was dying of cancer in prison. We had known each other for over 25 years years and supported each other in different ways – letters, phone calls and visits.

Keeping fit was for him a means of coping with prison life, and of tackling tension. Along with his fitness routines he studied human biology, and so as soon as he received the diagnosis he knew how things would go.

In the last weeks of his life the prison cared for him as best as they could. They applied for a compassionate discharge to allow him to go to his brother’s house but bureaucracy thwarted this plan. He was transferred to the prison hospital, and allowed daily phone calls. The Governor allowed me, his brother and his brother’s wife, to visit in the prison hospital and gave discrete space for this to happen. We were allowed to bring food in. His request for food was simple – mature cheddar cheese, chutney and fresh bread. He was determined to be as self sufficient as he could be and on visits insisted on making tea and sandwiches and ensuring his visitors were comfortable. Visiting was both lovely and sad, poignant and unforgettable. It was very clear that the prison staff were moved by his example and helped where they could. When he fell in the prison yard he was determined to stand. An officer helped him saying, “The time comes when we have to let others show kindness to us.” They were wise words.

I was invited into the prison as he died. His brother and sister in law were there. Together, those whom he loved most, talked at his bedside, and we talked to him even when no response came. We shared stories. Nursing staff popped in and out to make sure he was comfortable, a liason officer showed care well beyond her duty.

I left the prison and an hour or two later received a call that he had died. It was a grim place to die but it was a place he knew well, and a structured life he knew. He had asked me just a couple of days before whether he should accept the invitation to go to a hospice. I could tell he was very uneasy at the thought of going somewhere he didn’t know.

Behind a bluntly honest manner he was a loving, kind and sensitive person. During his years in prison he had attempted suicide two or three times. Not in his last days, though. He faced death with a characteristic honest realism and was grateful to have his loved ones around him at the end, as they were grateful to be there. We had experienced his love and kindness, we were grateful for the opportunity to give them to him as his life drew to a close.

His last weeks brought out much goodness and kindness in those around him. It brought different people together and we were inspired by his courage. As people talk about the law and assisted dying, I reflect on this quiet, peaceful, prison death, and the ‘fruits’ it bore and I am thankful that it was natural and graceful. May he rest in peace.