A Retired Rector's Reflections

I recently travelled by train from York to Manchester. I was in everyday clothes – not dressed as a priest. Opposite me a couple in their 30s were sitting. Both were dressed in black, both had several tattoos and several piercings. It was impossible not to hear their conversation. The man had recently finished a close relationship and the two on the train were getting to know one another, on their journey.

We approached Huddersfiled station. At a point on the line before Huddersfield the man, seated next to the window, suddenly said ‘Shh..’ and looked out of the window for about ten seconds or so, then bowed his head and, in his own way crossed himself. I was surprised, and even more so was the young lady he was with.

He quietly explained to her that when he was a teenager a very close male friend of the same age had taken his own life on the rail track at that place. He talked about his friend with deep feeling. He went on to say that every time since then he always paused and remembered and said a little prayer when he passed over that part of the track in a train.

I was both moved and surprised by his actions and words, it was all incredibly moving. I was interested to see his girlfriend was clearly moved too, and put her arm round him, but, it appeared she did not consider his action and prayer unusual.

“Are you a Catholic?” the girlfriend asked. “No,” he replied “I’ve never gone to any church.”

I’ve reflected on this event. Coming from a different background I received much to reflect on. It seems to me that it was a very important and natural spiritual act by a man who had never attended a church, but somehow saw the spiritual remembering of his friend’s suicide important for himself, and no doubt also for his friend. Remembering, and keeping remembering, (after all the event must have happened about 20 years earlier), at the place was clearly a very important of the act.

How can we as individuals help young people who experience the suicides of their friends, or indeed sudden deaths, to consider personal actions to help remembrance and prayer? Can the church help? How can we encourage such acts in our everyday life, beyond the walls of a church? How would such acts help you and me?

This man had devised his own way of remembering his friend, and it was lovely and moving. I decided it was important to tell the story. Perhaps those who read this may have examples to share too. I do hope when such stories are shared it will help us and others find their ways of making spiritual acts, personal liturgies.

If you come across something similar and would be interested in contributing a blog post here just get in touch. This post has been told in such a way as to protect idnetities.